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Nail Gun Massacre/Review

From The Grindhouse Cinema Database

< Nail Gun Massacre
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Without wasting anytime whatsoever, We (The audience) are thrust into a gang-rape commited by a group of construction workers at a construction site. As soon as the sequence fades away, we are already watching the mysterious, rape-avenger (Decked out in camoflauge and a terribly worn-out biker helmet) who is packing a nail-gun, which is equipped with an air tank for maximum effect, and this spaceman-lookalike is out to pump some deadly nails into one of the rapists. And this is all just in the first 10 minutes! I figured if the movie is already looking to start out like this with zero exposition, we could be in for something really special. But, uhhhh...Sadly, no. What lies ahead is a tiresome 70 minutes after this. Because it appears that the Nail-Gun Killer (Who I will just refer to as "NGK") isn't just out to kill the rapists--But damn near everyone he/she eventually runs into. NGK should hook up with Ms. 45! Now THAT would've been a helluva movie! I can imagine the possibilities of that one! Should it take place in Texas or New York? Who do you like better? Killer nun or Biker-Commando-Nail Gunner? Oh, sorry. Got a little too carried away there. Let me get this particular movie out of the way first. Alright, back to the story.....Wait! There really IS no story! Seriously, 40 minutes into this movie and I still have no idea who the hero of this flick is (If there is a hero) Alright, I guess the town doctor named..."Doc" (Rocky Patterson) is the guy who will solve the puzzle and track down NGK.

Fans of bad/cheesy Drive-In, slasher masterpieces can rejoice with this one because all the proper ingredients happen to be available in NAIL GUN MASSACRE. Such as crummy filmmaking, bad acting, laughable dialogue, sub-par gore, T&A, and a little bit of joint-smoking. Only a lack of an explosion deducts it's validity as a classic *Slight sarcasm* and I'm sure most die-hard fans of bad movies like this can grin and chuckle at all the above, but the biggest enemy for me was the handling of the sound in this one. It's VERY bad. Especially in the first half. And that's because NGK speaks in this robotic, Vader-esque voice. And I didn't mention this before, but the killer is very chatty. NGK is always in the mood to let out some one-liners both before and after "nailing" someone. The problem is, it's hard to make out what NGK is often saying because not only is the victim screaming in pain at the same time NGK is speaking, but the film's screeching music is in the way as well. There's also a few scenes which take place near a few busy roads and the filmmakers might as well have been filming near Niagra Falls since the sound drowns out all the dialogue. But I do give credit to Terry Lofton (The film's director) for playing with NGK's secret identity. The viewer can detect that NGK often has the posture of a female. Plus, since a rape started this massacre, it's believable that the victim is the killer--Who uses a mechanical voice. But Lofton might have actually seen a few giallos in his day before taking this easy route. So the killer's identity is up for grabs at the end. But even the results are far from being captured in a shocking manner. Recommended for serious cheese fans only.

Reviewed by Laydback

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